Ok tl/dr I’m looking for advice on long term relationship with a disagreement of my wanting to be child free.
When I got married I thought I wanted kids, he definitely did. I was young and in love and got married anyways . 9 years later and my maybe turned to a no. We just recently had the conversation that if I had a kid I would honestly consider an abortion and that i was strongly considering a permanent method of birth control and that really hurt him quite a bit. He didn’t like the idea of me tying or cutting tubes and pretty clearly wasn’t interested in doing it himself.
I broached the idea of divorce since that’s a very common thread of advice on r/childfree and he indicated that wasn’t even a consideration. Honestly this is the only issue that has ever made me consider it.. He said it made him really sad but that he would stand by my decision. He is convinced if I had a kid I would get over my multiple fears but said he thought all my reasons were logical and obviously well thought out…
I guess my question up for discussion would be what are the next steps? Anyone go through a similar situation and have advice? I don’t want to just go on thinking about it forever and have both of us be old and bitter about it in 5 or 10 years… I also don’t want to just throw in the towel and quit a marriage over this single issue.
Idk. Let me know if I need to add more details. Life is never cut and dry. Hard to fit everything I am thinking into a reddit post…
Edit after having a night to think about it and read the replies: I am getting a better form of birth control and am gonna start the process for getting the bisalp. I didnt even really realize that was an option till RvW hit the fan . It HAS tanked my sex drive so I don’t think the not having sex in the mean time will be much of an issue. I will see how he reacts to the scheduling of the appointment and some more long and difficult conversations will be held. I cant imagine the situation improving 10 years from now, it just breaks my heart. I don’t want to lie to myself, I’ve been hoping for the past year there was some miracle story where the child-wanting person changes their mind or maybe I was hoping i would change my mind . Doesnt seem to be the case though so I’m going to talk with him about what the future looks like for us.
Edit 2 after reading more posts: we are both 29/30 , not a big age gap at all. I really started thinking on it about a year ago and brought the subject up with him but it kidof ended in ‘let’s see how it goes’ and I’ve been trying to talk with him more because its been eating at me- my decision is taking something away from him that will lead to bitterness and left unresolved has the potential to fester.
I am not sure how he will react but I do plan on scheduling for permanent bc and i guess next move is to see how he reacts to that. I don’t want to think that divorce is inevitable but I’m not about to let myself wind up with a kid.