I did the right thing!!

I’ve been talking to a guy off and on for around 4-5 years. We’ve never met, and we live about 75 miles apart. He’s never even suggested a date halfway – it’s always “you could come over”. His rationale “you drive that far to go boating with your friends.”

Last night as I was headed home with my full 80 miles to go he messaged said I should just come on over, making it over 3 hours from where i was. I didn’t reply. But today I did.
Me: I did not like your suggestion that I drive up last night. It would have been at minimum three hours, and over half of it on unfamiliar roads after midnight on the 4th of July weekend. I was waiting for the “just joking” but it never happened, so i guess you meant it. That makes me feel like you only desire me physically, but that you don’t care about my safety or value me personally.

If a friend called me and said, “there’s a guy I’ve talked to off and on for years. We’ve never met, but he wants me to drive an hour and a half to his house to go see him. I’m sure he’s a really nice guy.” I would say “have you lost your mind? When are you supposed to do this? And you’ve never even been on a date of any kind to meet him in person? No! That’s crazy!”

What would you tell your daughter? What advice would you give your granddaughter as a single woman?

He responded “Did you just message to argue?”
Me: no, to tell you how I feel. I don’t feel valued.
Him: that works both ways.
Me: I wanted an honest answer about what you would have advised your daughter, or any other woman you care about and value
Him: Don’t talk about my granddaughter in any scenario like that please
Me: Exactly. Because that’s not what you want for her.
Him: Why argue?
Me: That wasn’t an argument. I need someone who values me enough to care about my safety.
I’m finally learning to set boundaries and see those red flags before getting invested!

I did the right thing!!