To the doctors who will inevitably refuse to sterilize me

This is a speech I have prepared as a measure to show all parties it may concern, that my decision to become sterilized is one I have thought long and hard about. I have even gone ahead and included research and statistics to back my choice, however unnecessary I think that should be, as women in the twenty-first century should not have to fight this hard to make personal decisions about their reproductive future. Me and me alone, should be the only one who gets a say on what I choose to do with my body as I have been the one living in it for 21 years now. The choice to opt out of reproduction has never been more clear to me and I would like to make that permanent before my right to choose that for myself is also stripped from me like the right to a safe abortion has been stripped from half the country, something me and millions of other women could never of foreseen happening. After witnessing these events, it isn’t so crazy to think that in the near future, this could become an actual possibility and I would rather die than become the walking incubator my country sees me as.

Just to reiterate, I do not, and have never wanted kids. It is not in my five year plan, my ten year plan, or my lifetime plan. It is just not something that at all interests me in the slightest. Everything about motherhood repulses me. The responsibility, the lack of freedom, the financial burden, the permanent disfigurement pregnancy leaves on the body, the screaming and crying at all hours of the day. All for what, bringing another human onto this already overpopulated planet?

I am not a responsible person and I am not ashamed of that fact. I can handle waking up for work, keeping my living space clean, feeding myself and cats, but honestly anything more than that overwhelms me. I tried having a puppy once and you know how that worked out? Not well. Not well at all. I couldn’t even manage to potty train the creature and ended up giving it away to a nice older couple at seven months old. The only reason I kept it for those seven long months is because I felt guilty about making such a commitment just to want to relieve myself after only two weeks.

You know children and dogs really aren’t that dissimilar in many areas. They both require that level of responsibility I don’t possess, are needy as hell, and very frequently make loud obnoxious levels of noise that drive me up a wall. Also slobber. I absolutely hate slobber and my insides cringe at just the thought of it. So with all that said, I already know with absolute certainty I would regret motherhood the moment I would pop the watermelon sized crotch goblin out of my cooter.

Now onto the lack of freedom. Why exactly would I want to sacrifice my precious time on this earth watching a screaming machine shit and piss itself all day and subject myself to the cleanup. That sounds like salvery. I wouldn’t even want to do it even if it was a paid position. You couldn’t offer me a million dollars to subject myself to that and why some people accept less than minimum wage to do it baffles me but that’s their choice. Just like it should be mine to never even have to interact with tiny humans much less procreate.

Financially wise, I’d never be able to afford a child even if, I don’t know, I had some severe head trauma and suddenly decided I wanted one. I’ll break it down for you. The average cost of giving birth at a hospital is sixteen thousand dollars. Sixteen thousand I do not have. That’s more than the entire cost of my car. That also means taking time off work and unfortunately for new mothers in America, maternity leave sucks. In NJ, you get 12 weeks off and 85% of your normal pay. For people like myself who already live paycheck to paycheck with no savings, 85% of normal pay is not enough.

Moving on, the average child costs 200 thousand dollars over the course of 18 years. I make roughly 35 thousand before taxes. That barely supports me alone. I do not have a support system to rely on so I’d also have to pay for childcare which costs an ungodly amount which I’d have to work even more to pay for and well that that rate I’d probably never even get to see the damn thing because I would have to work every single minute of my life just to survive and well I don’t want kids so that would actually work out great however I thoroughly enjoy my free time so slaving away at a job to pay for something I never wanted in the first place does not make sense.

Now, you might say, what about the man who hypothetically impregnated you in this scenario. And to that I say, I think we know exactly the level of accountability we hold men who do not pay child support in this country. Even if you don’t get stuck with a deadbeat runaway father, so many other things can happen like the loss of employment, illness, and even death. Just like I would never take out a massive loan I couldn’t pay on my own, I would never feel comfortable having a child knowing it required two full time incomes coming in to support. That is also why a man coming into the picture would not change my decision. I don’t even know yet if I want to partake in the institution of marriage when all statistics point to it being nothing but a detriment to women. But getting back to my point, just as fast as “Mr. Right”, as doctors like to refer to him as, can come into your life, he can leave it just as quick. Doctors even hinting that I would easily drop all of my long term held beliefs, morals and values, for a man is a ludicrous, archaic and sexist notion and I find it nothing short of offensive.

In terms of health complications, pregnancy sure has a lot . From preeclampsia to anemia to severe nausea and vomiting, pregnancy totally sounds like such a magical experience. I definitely want to risk getting gestational diabetes or having a stroke. And the actual birth? Birth scares the absolute living shit out of me. I feel like it’s almost better not to know the gruesome details of all that goes down. Just to get the epidural, so you’re not in an excruciating amount of pain when your vagina inevitably rips open to your asshole, they have to stick a five inch long needle into your back and if misplaced, like what happened to my own mother, can temporarily paralyze you from the waste down for hours. Not terrifying at all. The whole ordeal can last over twelve hours. Risks include uterine rupture, shoulder dystocia, umbilical cord prolapse, and excessive bleeding. You’ll also no doubt shit yourself several times. It also doesn’t help that America is currently sitting at the top for the highest maternal mortality rate of all first world countries. And don’t even get me started on the aftercare of it all. Sitting in diapers, unable to control your bladder, dealing with postpartum depression, no thanks. I’m good.

Having a child for me is not just about all of the aforementioned reasons either. It’s also a conflict with my deeply held environmental ethics. I read somewhere once that one of the top three ways of reducing one’s own carbon emissions in first world countries is to simply have one less child. By not reproducing I am preventing 16 extra tons of greenhouse gasses a year, the average Americans carbon footprint. I can also sleep peacefully knowing that I have not contributed to deforestation as a result of overpopulation. Endangered species that play a crucial role in the global ecosystem will not go extinct because of me.

Finally, I could not in good conscience make more humans when there are already millions of children sitting in foster care abused and neglected. If I was to ever even consider being a parent it would be through adoption. I can not think of anything more egotistical than thinking your genes are that special that you need to pass them along instead of giving a loving home to a child already here on this planet who actually needs it. There is no other reason to purposely bring a child into existence other than for purely selfish ones and I will stand behind that with every ounce of my being. The only difference between raising a biological child and an adopted one is genetic makeup and if that’s the barrier to being able to give unconditional love and support you are truly an awful human being and should not be a parent.

To wrap this up, the reason most doctors give as to not providing this service to people my age is the permanence and chance of regret. However, I would much rather regret not being able to have biological children than having them and wishing I didn’t. As the offspring of a mother who has told me on multiple occasions I was solely the product of social pressure, I will not continue the cycle of trauma. I have a strong enough will to not fall into that trap and thankfully have been exposed to a like minded community online that has reassured me that I am not alone. I do not need to reproduce to feel whole and complete and fulfilled in life. A child is not the only way to experience unconditional love. This way of thinking has been used to control women for generations and I refuse to subscribe to that bullshit. Anyone who has a problem with that can stay mad while I go enjoy the rest of my life in peace and solitude with my amazing affectionate furry feline companion and eventually die a happy childfree woman. Now you either are going to cut my tubes or I am going to find someone who will. I will not stop until I do.

To the doctors who will inevitably refuse to sterilize me